All Right, All Right. Enough With the Foreplay…

Wait for it….

Results in preseason don’t count, or so we’re told about just about any sport. That doesn’t sound so bad great if you’re from Portland, Oregon, this March 2014. On evidence of the Portland Timbers’ preseason, some of bad habits from last season appear to have carried over into 2014. Something about early doors…

When it comes to the rest of MLS…it’s just confusing.

No, fans shouldn’t feel any emotion stronger than mild optimism – a light beer on the imaginary scale that equates beer to happiness – on seeing their team hoist a preseason trophy. On the other, 2013 was a tall bucket of shit for DC United, so it only seems fair to let them whoop a little about taking the Carolina Challenge Cup…even if they win it just about every preseason. As for everyone else, just keep cool if the ball rolled your way in early 2014. And nod sagely as if it’s all going according to plan.